Trouble Brings Me Back
the shocks of life ease in God's presence
In early April, I knocked on the door of an office. It was occupied by the person who, every year, prepares our tax returns. That person, a woman I’ve known for several years, opened the door and invited me in to sit. We exchanged hellos, and I slid into one of her two chairs for visitors. But right away, I sensed she was a bit anxious. So, after our pleasantries, I took the direct approach: “What’s up?”
“You owe more in taxes than we expected. More that I estimated.”
Just a few weeks prior, she’d given me a ballpark estimate.
“How much more?”
She told me the number—and it was brutal. Honestly, it kinda didn’t seem real. Because of an obscure provision in the tax codes, we owed a lot more in federal and state income taxes than we had planned for. All I could do was stammer a bit, ask a few questions, talk about payment logistics, and leave — and call Jenn.
Such news would have been unwelcome at any time, but it was especially so this year. Our oldest is graduating from a master’s program later this week, but this past academic year was the first (and the last, whew!) that all three of our children were in college simultaneously. We also moved into a new home a few years ago, and the California county in which we live waited until this year to reassess and raise our property taxes — and then bill us retroactively from the date of purchase.
Triple tuition, an abnormally high property tax bill, and always-high health insurance for a family of five would have always resulted in a tough year. But the surprise of that massive tax bill sent Jennifer and me into a bit of a panic. She and I had nervous discussions about how these developments might impact the next few years and decades of our family. We talked about everything from future commitments, like upcoming tuition and tax bills, our savings and investment strategies, and our plans for our retirement. We ran scenarios, imagined the worst, and talked through potential strategies.
Hours went by before we noticed that we hadn’t prayed.
The condition of my heart — my inner life — is a near-perfect barometer for my relationship with God. During seasons when I’m looking to our world, to my work accomplishments or bank account balances for validation and security, my fear and heartache rise and fall with the volatility of our world.
Projects succeed and fail. Markets rise and fall. They do. It’s inevitable. And when outcomes change, if I’m too dependent on them, I become like “a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind” (James 1:2-8, ESV). When worldly results are my ultimate things, I’m vulnerable to this world's ever-changing, ever-chaotic conditions.
But … in seasons when I’m seeking God first, prioritizing spending time in prayer and his presence, when he and our time together are the ultimate things in my life, I’m vulnerable to the whims of his love and care — and my God doesn’t have whims. He loves and cares for me (and you) outrageously. Period. He loves me so much that he died for me. And his love and care don’t change. He will never let me down. Ever. “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8, ESV).
We have all things and abound; not because I have a good store of money in the bank, not because I have skill and wit with which to win my bread, but because the Lord is my shepherd. —Charles Haddon Spurgeon
That’s why troubles hit differently when I’m seeking God. They hit differently because no matter what happens in my career or financial life, I can be secure in his love and care. Disaster can strike, and I can be confident that he and his love for me are bigger than anything else I will ever encounter. I can rest in the firm knowledge that he has good plans for me, “plans for welfare and not for evil, to give [me] a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11, ESV).
About the inevitable troubles of our world, James, the brother of Jesus, wrote this:
Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (James 1:2-4, ESV).
The struggles Jenn and I have been experiencing don’t compare to the struggles many people in our world (many of our readers) face now. Ours were simply the kind of shocks all families face from time to time. But the lesson in this particular shock was one I needed. I can see that I had slouched, almost imperceptibly, into a comfortable season where the things of the world had become too important. I’m unsure whether I couldn’t see it or didn’t want to see it. But it became quite undeniable when this recent unwanted surprise came. So, I pray these difficulties produce the kind of endurance James championed 2000 years ago — endurance to stay desperate for God’s presence in difficult times and times that aren’t so difficult, too.
Megan Fate Marshman wrote “Anxiety Can Lead You to God ... Or Away.”
Faith Eury Cho wrote “Created for His Presence.”
Paul Prather wrote “How to Pray When Wrestling With Anxiety.”
Tanya Godsey wrote “The Intimacy and Mystery of ‘The Secret Place’.”
Sample ➼ “Counterfeit Gods” by Timothy Keller
Sample ➼ “Get Your Life Back” by John Eldredge
Encounter ➼ “Be Held Together in the Hard”
Audio Experience ➼ “Are You Seeking Peace or Seeking God?”
Bible Reading Plan ➼ “30-Day Scripture Challenge”
We updated Rapt’s ‘Best of’ lists this week. Lots of new stuff!
Spotlight: The Bible is the most read book in all the world. But many of us get stuck in a rut when it comes to approaching it. Rather than feeling inspired and energized, we feel confused, disenchanted, or removed. In his new book, “14 Fresh Ways to Enjoy the Bible,” Bible scholar James Coakley shares fourteen invaluable strategies that will bring your Scripture study to life.
Jack Stewart served 23 years as a fighter pilot and flew combat missions from three different aircraft carriers.
Erin Moniz is a deacon in the Anglican Church in North America and Associate Chaplain and Director for Chapel at Baylor University.
Kara Stout is a wife and new adoptive mom living in Los Angeles. She writes prayers and devotionals on social media and for Her True Worth.
Tracie Braylock is a holistic nurse educator, wellness consultant and author of a new book entitled “Radical Relaxation.”
Meredith Davis is the author of three middle-grade books: “The Minor Miracle,” “The Minor Rescue” and “Her Own Two Feet.”
P.S. Who should we interview next? Click here to let us know. And what new question would you like us to ask them? Click here to submit your suggestion.
“Wear the world as a loose garment which touches us in a few places and there lightly.” —Francis of Assisi
Spend a few minutes today playfully considering how you are “wearing the world.”
Think for a moment: Where does your mind go first when the shock of something awful hits, like when you get scary financial news or an unwelcome diagnosis, when you lose a job or tear a relationship? To God? For help? Where does it go when something awesome happens — a major success at work or an unexpected blessing?To God? To express gratitude?
Or does it go somewhere else?
We’re in this together, my friend — and I am very grateful for that.
Editor-at-Large, Rapt Interviews & Loop for Women
Co-executive Director, Gather Ministries
This was so relatable. Several times my husband and I have gotten bad news, and hours later realized we hadn’t prayed yet.