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RIVER's avatar

I am here.

It doesn’t matter anymore to me what people say think.

I’m so tired of the shame.

The things I said and did to find love, to find safety, to find a covering… a wing over me.

I trusted.

I was stripped and left barren, empty, naked and ashamed.

I did these things and I own it.

Satan comes always to tell me:

“ You are the least, a laughing stock, a failure. Who do you think you are? No one listens to you, no one cares what such a pitiful fool has to say. You will never be enough! Your dreams are smoke! “And, i recoil… inside my shell, my prison.

JESUS always comes to find me.

HE sings and speaks and raises me up to BELIEVE that the past is gone, I am new, I am wiser, my best version yet!”

When will the vacillation stop?

I don’t want to listen anymore to the Enemy.

I try not to.

But, some days the lies seem to penetrate.

In this quiet winter season… I hear of “NEW” and like a child waiting to be picked for a kickball team…

I wonder: “Will JESUS ever pick me?”

Glad you are both writing…

Thank you for this.

We are not alone’ Jennifer.

Love,

RIVER

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Jennifer J. Camp's avatar

Hi, RIVER! Oh, wow, how I am grateful for your heart, your amazing vulnerability and strength that invites my heart to open even further to receive what is true and reject what is false. Praying we continue to welcome, again and again, being found. Sending a big hug and blessings.

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RIVER's avatar

The LORD gave me more on this today: Sharing

https://youtu.be/DYNfIgmej0Q?si=Yw6yhSkcQjEs2yeT

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Jennifer J. Camp's avatar

RIVER, thank you! I appreciate this so much! ❤️

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Rebecca  Musanyula Waasula's avatar

Thank you for sharing this shame feeling that hides silently in our lives. Reading through your Newsletter has made me explore my heart's secrecy. Shame leads to behavioral changes that may lead to isolation. Let shame be a thing of the past as I open my eyes into the future with no shame!!!!!

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Jennifer J. Camp's avatar

Hi Rebecca! I love seeing you here! Yes, I so agree. And I am joining with you in prayer about shame being a thing of the past. May it have no hold on us as we remain in Jesus' love.

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Lisa Quiller's avatar

What an amazing newsletter! I wrote several of your statements in my journal for further reflection. I wonder if shame I something we ever conquer or we just keep an eye on it for the next sneaky way it creeps in??

Thank you for speaking Truth. ❤️

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Jennifer J. Camp's avatar

Hi Lisa! I wonder that, too! But, yes, I think we can grow to discern when we are vulnerable to accepting those lies and more quickly reject them, with Jesus' help!

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Steve Johnson's avatar

Welcome!

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Jennifer J. Camp's avatar

Hi Steve! Thank you so much!

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Georgia Ann Arbuckle's avatar

Thanks for being so vulnerable. As I was reading, I could hear those types of words in my own head from times when a seemingly innocuous comment (usually from my spouse) sets off a train of thought that I struggle to turn off. Even though (by the worlds standards), I have been successful, a trigger can still send me spiraling: you are worthless, no one would care if you were not here, etc. I know to say scripture but sometimes it is still a fight.

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Jennifer J. Camp's avatar

Hi Georgia, thank you so much for sharing here. I so want to better develop this faith muscle: holding our thoughts captive to make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). May we do this next time we are aware of the lies feeling true!

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